It is an honor to be interviewed by multi-awarded and much-respected journalist and personality Jessica Soho, anchor/host/producer of many successful news, documentary, and public service programs on Philippine television.
As much as I would like to be humble about it, I cannot contain my joy so I hope you won’t mind if I share the transcript with you of my very first TV interview for the show “Jessica Soho Presents,” September 14, 2012 at GMA Network Studio 3.
Transcript:
Jessica: Good day, Xtian. It’s a pleasure finally being able to have this interview with you. Well, let’s get started. Your website, Xtian Mack’s Cosplay and Anime Cafe, has become something of an Internet sensation in recent months and has been shortlisted for this year’s prestigious International Webby Awards. What do you think contributed to this phenomenal rise to prominence?
Xtian: The cosplay scene in the Philippines has really taken off in the last couple of years although it has had its roots as far back as the late 1990s. Nowadays there is at least one major event every month and there are thousands of cosplayers participating in various conventions and events throughout the year. Many companies have also seen the huge potential of cosplay events as marketing vehicles for their products. Also, cosplaying has become a serious business itself, as there is now an industry that caters to cosplayers, like the sale of accessories, costumes, props and so on. We are happy to say that our Website has become a part of that growth, and little by little we have gained the support of the many cosplayers in the Philippines. It is thanks to them that we are as successful as we are today.
Jessica: I understand that you are already a successful editor besides being a former college professor. What got you into cosplaying?
Xtian: I enjoy the anonymity that cosplaying offers. I have had social anxiety for as long as I can remember, but cosplaying has allowed me to go out and interact with people without the fear of rejection because I go out there in my costume and all people see is a unique character that I play. It makes me happy when people, especially kids, take pictures with me. I think cosplaying is a great way to make people happy, even for just a short while.
Jessica: You have been called many things, mostly bad things, by the media lately because of the quick rise of your Website, but how would you describe yourself?
Xtian: Physically uncoordinated, mentally unstable, morally confused, socially inept, spiritually bankrupt. Did I miss anything? Oh yeah, please add “cool” too. I am SO cool, yeah.
Jessica: I understand that you studied at UP Diliman, like I did, actually. How did studying in UP influence your life and work today?
Xtian: In my humble opinion, I think UP is the only school in the Philippines that values individuality and freedom, which is why to this day I prefer to be naked at home and at work.
Jessica: I … see. Anyone who has had a profound influence on you while you were growing up?
Xtian: Oscar the Grouch of Sesame Street. He’s antisocial but everyone still loves him. Come to think of it, that’s not fair!
Jessica: Do you like Facebook?
Xtian: Facebook is a trap. You get friend requests from people you’ve been avoiding all your life which you have to accept because if you don’t, people will think you’re petty and shallow. But I AM petty and shallow.
Jessica: Your ongoing mission?
Xtian: Solve the mysteries of the universe, like income tax, fat-free ice cream and metrosexuals.
Jessica: Pet peeve?
Xtian: Kris Aquino. Don’t get me started. But maybe if she sent me a year’s supply of Goldilocks products and White Cat detergent I’ll change my mind.
Jessica: Social status?
Xtian: It’s complicated. Does stalking and having a one-sided love affair with Shaina Magdayao count? No?
Jessica: There are some nasty rumors on the Net about your penis. For the record, what is your penis called?
Xtian: It used to be called “The Jackhammer” or “Wild Thing,” but nowadays my dates just call it “The Intruder.”
Jessica: What is your favorite type of dragon?
Xtian: What kind of a nerdy, geeky, stupid question is that? Black dragons from Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Revised 2nd Edition rock! They have acid breath weapons that I can use to spit at and disfigure pretty people into despair. Muwahahahaha!
Jessica: Favorite song?
Xtian: It’s a tragic ballad that I barely remember from my childhood. It doesn’t have a title, so I guess I’ll just sing it in full: “When you’re hungry, Cindy’s is the place to be. Burgers, french fries, fried chicken, chicken barbecue, palabok and spaghetti. When you’re hungry (when you’re hungry) Cindy’s is the place to be!”
Jessica: Uh-hmm. Any hobbies besides cosplaying?
Xtian: Animal husbandry.
Jessica: That’s a hobby?
Xtian: Well…
Jessica: Nevermind. Any talents?
Xtian: I can squirt milk from my eyes.
Jessica: Really?!
Xtian: No. I lied. I like drinking milk though. Is that a talent?
Jessica: What is your battlecry?
Xtian: “Inseminate them!”
Jessica: I … see. Any parting words to our audience?
Xtian: Die. Everyone, please die.
Jessica: O…kay. Well, I’d like to say that this has been a great interview and that it was a pleasure spending time with you, but if I did, I’d be lying for both of us.
Xtian: Unacceptable, Ma’am! I challenge you for justice!
Transcript of Battle:
Xtian Mack encounters Jessica Soho.
Xtian Mack has initiative.
Xtian Mack casts spell, “Magic Rocket” level 12.
Xtian Mack misses.
Jessica Soho attacks with Magic Microphone +5 vs Undead.
Jessica Soho deals 74 points of damage to Xtian Mack.
Xtian Mack is confused.
Xtian Mack activates final desperation limit breaking special technique: Immolating Phantasm of the Peony Blossom Dragon Wombat … of Death.
Xtian Mack misses.
Jessica Soho activates super-duper job-specific ultimate finisher: Abhorrence of Total Media Censorship and Unjust Media Practices … of Death.
Jessica Soho deals 5,474 points of damage to Xtian Mack.
Xtian Mack dies.
Jessica Soho uses item, Phoenix Down.
Xtian Mack is revived with 1 hit point.
Jessica Soho parlays.
Jessica: This interview is over, understand?
Xtian: … yes … Ma’am.
Jessica: This won’t go on air because it’s not fit for children, okay?
Xtian: …o…kay
Jessica: We’ll just go with our second choice. Who is that again? Alodia Gosiengfiao, I think. Okay crew, let’s pack up. We wasted enough time already.
Xtian: …please…give me a Band-aid at least.
Transcript end
Xtian Mack’s Shameless Profile:
Hmm, lemme see: I like fwendly people kaC fwendly din me, eh. I don’t like plastic people. I don’t like also backstubberz and backfighters; bad kasi yun, aight? And I don’t want to be fwends with jologs people. That’s so baduy eh.
Shameless synopsis:
SSSSSSSHH … SSSSHHHH … SHAINAAAAAAAAAA! I just wanted to be in Myspace, Fwendster and Facebook so I Can Be Friends With Shaina Magdayao Online. Ah, Yes, My Dear, Sweet Shaina. To You I Pledge My Love And My Loyalty. You’re The Reason For My Existence. If I Were To Give Up All My 1,500+ Friendster Friends And 3,100+ Myspace Friends, And Keep Just ONE, I’ll certainly Keep Your Account. Shaina Is Living Proof That Angels Do Have Names And Pretty Faces. I Am Disarmed By Her Simple Elegance, That Youthful Innocence That Drives Me To The Brink Of Obsession. How Can Eyes Be More Expressive Than Hers, A Smile So Wonderous That It Melts Even An English Professor’s Cold Heart That Has Long Since Stopped Beating. Truly, Lady Shaina, Your Almost Mystical Existence Is Enough Reason For Me To Cherish My Own Existence, That Life Can Be As Warm And Pleasant As A Bright Midsummers Day And … Uh … Uhm, Was I Rambling Again? WHAT?! You’re still reading this unnecessarily long and pointless profile?! Well there’s more: When I was finally deemed ready for adulthood, our village elder told me: “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. That’s what Friendster is really for, young one. Friendster is evil, childe. EVIIIIL!” Then he unceremoniously chopped off my foreskin. I cursed him until I eventually fainted from the pain. So on the day of my graduation from our tribal college, when I finally acquired my degree in English Studies, I told everyone gathered there: “Friendster, Shmrendster. You can’t SEE me. For those of you who bothered, I suppose you mistook me for someone else.” Since then, I switched to Facebook and the world became a better (and faster) place. I have become a firm believer in the saying: “Happy are they who have no teeth, for they are well loved.” When I do die, I just hope I earned enough karma points to come back reincarnated as a giant panda that can understand human speech. Well, then. I apologize for being overly cryptic or just downright senseless. I don’t suppose you’d like to describe yourself and be laughed at, huh?
Hometown:
The Deepest, Darkest Jungles Of Borneo
Education:
University Of The Philippines-Diliman(AB English Studies:Major In Creative Writing), Notre Dame Of Greater Manila(High School, Grade School, Kindergarten), The Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Want To Do Other Stuff, Xavier’s School For Gifted Children, Mga Lahing Pikutin School Of Modelling, Handsome Boy School of Modelling
Occupation:
English Professor/ Rated R Superstar/ Circus Freak
Affiliations:
Conclave Writing Workshop, SEGA Boys Inc., BOTELS(Boys Of The Everlasting Society), The New (But Now Defunct) Hexociety, Uncle Bob’s Lucky Seven Club, The 700 Club, The Brotherhood Of Evil Mutants, Nation Of Domination, Koponan Ni Dr. Ichigaki, Kamogawa Boxing Gym (KBG), Ryonan High School Basketball Team, Sharkboy Fans Club, Jesus Is Lord Movement, LaLoma TODA, Shaina Magdayao Fan’s Club, Tropang LA Lopez UP-Diliman Chapter
What I Enjoy Doing:
Mythology And Folklore, Writing Fiction, Philippine Occult Studies, Tarot Card Reading, Making Fake Friendster Accounts Of My Friends From High School, Studying Japanese Culture(And Perversions), Playing Obsolete PC Games, Dressing Up In Genma Saotome’s Giant Panda Form, Prozac, Vampire, Wrestling, Common Perversions, Having Nonsensical Conversation With Strangers Online, Feigning Ignorance, Talking To My Gorgeous About Everything For Hours And Hours And Hours Over The Phone
Favorite Books:
Uhmmm… Teka. Ano Nga Ba Yun? Sibika, SRA, The Musicians Of Bremen, Sex For Dummies, Sex For Dummies II, Funny Komiks Featuring Niknok
Favorite Movies:
CON AIR (Aaaah Seeed, Pooot Down … The Bunneh! Pooot … The Bunneh … Bawk In The Bawx!) Fight Club, Gladiator, Kill “Bloody” Bill, The Cutting Edge, American History X, Chasing Amy, I Am Sam, Van Wilder, Romy And Michelle’s HS Reunion, Terminator I And II, Predator 1, Alien Trilogy, Shake Rattle And Roll Trilogy(Corni Yung IV And V Eh!), Pido Dida Trilogy(A Time When Kris Aquino Was Just Starting To Be Annoying), Me And Ninja Liit, Trudis Liit, Bobocop(Joey Marquez At His Finest), Dunking Donato, Peter Pandesal, Ako Si Kiko Ikaw Si Kikay, Eh Kasi Bata The Movie(LA Lopez Wins Best Child Overacting Award), Super Mouse And The Robo-Rats, Ginggang-Guli Giddiyap(Tigidig Tigidig), Huwag Mong Buhayin And Bangkay, Bikini Mong Itim, Bondying The Little Big Boy, Rollerboys, Darna Kuno, Dear Saan Ka Natulog Kagabi?, Inday Inday Sa Balitaw, Buhawi Jack, Shotgun Banjo, Bagwis
Favorite Music:
Am Not Really A Person Who Enjoys Music. When Bored, However, I Hit The Ol’ Tape Rack For Sentimental Music From MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice, Milli Vanilli, Snow, Gerardo(Rico Suave), Jon Secada, Masta Plann, Peter Andre And Shaggy. While On Rehab, They Play That Song By LA Lopez–“Ako Ay Nag…BahLIIIIK!” Oh, No, Not Again! Nurse!
Favorite TV Shows:
Wonder Woman(With Lynda Carter), Quantum Leap, Perfect Strangers, Hard Time On Planet Earth, Doogie Howser MD, McGyver, The Twilight Zone, Alfred Hitchcock’s The Hitchhiker, The Hulk(Lou Ferrigno), Airwolf, My Secret Identity, The Real Ghostbusters, Saturday Fun Machine, Super Friends, Space Ghost, Comic Strip Featuring Tiger Sharks/ Karate Kat/ Camp Mini-Mon/ Streetfrogs, Mr Bogus, Old Looney Toons, Transformers, GIJoe, Centurion(Power Extreme), Silverhawks, Thundercats, ZoneRiders, Frasier, The Practice, Spin City, Just Shoot Me, Boston Public, Boston Common, Futurama, WWE RAW, The (Old) X-Files, CSI, Amazing Race, Malcom In The Middle, The Secret World Of Alex Mack, Roswell (If Only To See Shiri Appleby), Azumanga Daioh, Gunslinger Girl, Naruto, Invader Zim, Full Metal Alchemist, Lotlot And Friends, Eye To Eye With Inday Badiday, See-True, Eh Kasi Bata, YAGIT, Luv Ko Si Kris(Ngayon Hindi Na), Eumorpho-Lakas Tao, Kapwa Ko Mahal Mo, Ating Alamin, Damayan
